A Soliloquy of Missing Tears
by Mamono
Summary: -Complete- Seto Kaiba-The cold heartless CEO, who only cares for one person... But what happens when that person is taken away? (Revised)
1. A Tear Gone Missing

(Revised Version)

Author's Notes: Hey, yeah, this fic is a tribute to Teash, my dog that we had to put down yesterday. I'll miss her, but in tribute, I wrote this fic. Oh and this is a soliloquy, which is in first person, in Seto's point of view...

**__**

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

Why? Why does this have to happen to me? Of all the people in the world, they take _my _happiness away...

Yes. I was there.

I saw it all. I watched as his cheerful steely-blue eyes became dull lifeless pits of ash. I was there as he cried out in pain; when he called out my name. But what eats away at my soul is his face when he looked at me for the very last time...

He was smiling.

Smiling as he said his last words to me! How?! What part of dying is there to be happy about?! A great feeling of remorse spread across my body as he breathed out his final thoughts.

__

"Seto, I'm sorry that I can't stay with you like we promised. Thank you for always being there for me. I know other people may think you don't have a heart, but I know that's not true. Deep inside, you have a heart as pure as gold. Don't ever lose that, Big Brother. Don't worry; I will always be with you; no one can ever break the bond we share.... Goodbye, Seto...I love you."

Then just like that, the brother I loved so dearly faded away.

Why? Why are the one's closest to you always the first to be taken away?

It hurts.

The pain of loss; it's like a heavy weight that's been put atop my shoulders. The weight is so heavy, it's almost unbearable for some, and they end up falling into darkness under its load.

It's funny...

I'm carrying this huge pain on my shoulders and yet...

...I can't cry a single tear to ease my suffering.

I can't find a way to let out my pain. This unremitting pain that slowly eats away at my soul; that hangs over my body like a dark blanket, binding me in it's horrible intensity. A pain that burns inside my throat, but can never be quenched.

Have I forgotten how?

Am I unable to release myself from this agonizing ache? Now that I've wrapped my heart in a thick layer of ice, an ice that is unyielding to all emotion, can I not release emotion from inside?

It's true...

I've sealed my heart away, blocking everyone and everything from getting in...

..or out.

__

"Seto, I'm sorry that I can't stay with you like we promised."

Only he knew how to melt that defensive layer of ice, but he's gone now, and he didn't leave his secret behind.

I don't know what to do anymore. Now that he's gone, I don't have a purpose in life. He was the only reason I kept on going. What should I do now that he's gone?

Is this the end?

I don't have all the answers anymore; not like before. Mokuba always looked to me to guide him, but in actuality, I needed him more.

__

"Thank you for always being there for me."

Why?  
  
Why did he idolize me so much? He was my number one fan, but I didn't deserve such praise. I was always busy and I hardly ever spent time with him. Then why is it that he looked up to me so much?  
  
_"I know other people may think you don't have a heart, but I know that's not true. Deep inside, you have a heart as pure as gold."_

Those words still echo in my mind. Do I actually have the ability to show emotions? Are Mokuba's words true? Is that why he admired me so much?

__

"Don't ever lose that, Big Brother."

Oh, what? I can cry now? All those years of keeping my emotions locked away; keeping a wall of ice around my heart; _now _after the only one I cared about is gone; _now _I can cry?!

__

Life is ironic; it's just a big game, nothing but a cruel game.

__

"Don't worry; I will always be with you..."

Yeah, Mokuba, I know _you _care, but now that you're gone, who's there to share my emotions with? Is it really worth it?

__

"...no one can ever break the bond we share...."

That's right, I have you; you might not be here physically, but you will always be with me. You're what keeps my heart from freezing in the brutal ice I've wrapped it in. So, maybe our bond will help me get through this pain, and help me go on.

I know now; it's your light that will open up my heart. I promise you this, Mokuba; I won't ever forget what you did for me, and I know that with your support; I'll be able to live again. Thank you for that, Mokuba.

__

"Goodbye, Seto...I love you."

I love you too, Mokie...


	2. A Painful Mask

Author's Notes: Thank you, everyone for the reviews.

__

"Italicized words are what are spoken aloud..."

**__**

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

I couldn't possibly describe what I feel right now as I stare into that casket. All these things are racing through my head; sadness, anger, remorse. They fill my thoughts; all trying to surpass the other and claim my mind, but their task is futile. For I have put on a mask.

A mask to hide my pain.

A pain that still tears away at my soul, that will never truly die. Though I realize that by doing this, I'm only hurting myself. It's like an addiction; I try so hard to express my feelings, but it's hard, and I usually give in.

Isn't it better to feel nothing, than to feel this unspeakable ache?

I don't truly know the answer to that. All I know is that it's the easiest thing for me to do right now. I thought I was strong. I thought I could get through this, but as I stare at him, his innocent face resting peacefully in that coffin, I realize that this would prove to be a most difficult task.

Great, now I have to speak. What do they expect me to say? 'He was a great brother and I'll miss him?'

That doesn't even begin to express my feelings. What words could possibly express this horrific loss?

__

"Little Brother, you were the world to me. I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Mokie, but I promise you, I'll do my best to make you proud."

I looked at him one last time after I spoke. A part of me wanted to cry out as they sealed my little brother's coffin. Though I took the easy way out again.

I put on my mask.

I watched emotionlessly as they placed my brother under the dirt. Never to be seen again. His cheerful blue eyes...

...gone.

His playful smile...

...no more.

It isn't fair! It should've been me under that cold ground! I should be dead, not you!

But I'm not...

...and you are.

And I'm going to have to accept that.

I turned away, the pain becoming too great; it threatened to break my mask. I can't let that happen, not now. So I turn away from you, brother. Please, don't be angry; I just have to be alone now.

__

"Kaiba..."

Yugi, I should've known...

__

"Kaiba, I'm sorry about Mokuba..."

Sorry?! Let me tell you something, Yugi: Sorry isn't going to bring my brother back! Nothing can! I don't want your sympathy, and as far as I'm concerned, I don't need it. I've nothing to say to you...

__

"Leave me alone, Yugi..."

I'm doing it again, aren't I?

I'm sorry, Mokuba, I promised that I'd be strong for you, and I'm just pushing everyone away. I know they mean well, it's just hard. Showing my emotions is still a foreign matter to me. But I guess now is as a good of time as ever to make good on my pledge to you...

__

"...I'm sorry, Yugi. I guess I'm a little upset right now..."

"I know, Kaiba. Is there anything I can do?"

Anything you can do? Yeah, bring Mokuba back. You're the Master of Miracles, come on, let's see you try.

__

"No, Yugi, there's nothing you can do for me now."

Oh don't be sad, Yugi. There really isn't anything you could do. I just need time to heal, I guess.

__

"Kaiba."

It's the mutt...

__

"Hey, I feel real bad about Mokuba. Come on, there must be something we can do for ya?"

Hallelujah, the mutt's come to save the day...

__

"No, Wheeler, I said there's nothing anybody can do for me now..."

"I don't think that's true..."

What's this? Cheerleader girl has come to me, claiming she can help? What could she possibly do?  
  
_"Kaiba, I know it hurts, but you can't just bottle your emotions inside. You need to let it all out."_

All of a sudden she came towards me, and I feel her arms surround me in her warm embrace. What does she think she's doing? Why is she doing this, more importantly?

It doesn't make sense.

Whatever the reason, I was there, silently in her arms. My first instinct was to run; run far away and hide behind it.

What is _it_, you ask?  
  
My mask of course...

But for some reason, I couldn't run. I don't know why; maybe I was too shocked, or maybe it was my promise to Mokuba that kept me there. Knowing that people cared about me is a calming thought; and I'm truly grateful to have people to comfort me, especially now.

So I tossed the mask aside.

I let my sorrow flow out, escaping in the form of tears. Their wet surface cooled my burning skin. It felt relieving to cry.

I wrapped my arms around her; the one who showed me that there are others who care.

__

"Thank you..."

I backed up, releasing Téa; tears stained both of our faces. I looked to Yugi and Joey; they too had traces of tears in their eyes.

They really do care...

All right, I think I'm done with emotion show and tell for one afternoon. If this keeps up, I'll end up one big bowl of emotion Jell-O. So I turned to leave; to be alone once more.

__

"Kaiba, wait. Are you sure you're gonna be all right?"

Yugi, you care too much for your own good. I'm truly envious of you for that.

_  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Are ya really sure?"  
  
"I am..."_

"Kaiba?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Please, don't keep it all inside, okay? It's all right to let people know how you feel."

How was that, Mokuba? I think I'm getting the hang of this feeling thing. I'm going to miss you, Little Brother, but I will keep my promise to make you proud. I just have to take things one step at a time. Though I know I have a long road ahead of me, I think everything will turn out...

__

"...somehow."


	3. Dirge of the Lost One

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or "Gollum's Song" from the Lord of the Rings the Two Towers soundtrack! Yep! It's a songfic chapter! I think it turned out well! With that:

::These are song lyrics::

__

"This is what's spoken aloud"

Normal Text is what Seto is thinking.

**__**

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

::Where once was light::

Morning...

Another day. Another struggle.

::Now darkness falls::

How inviting...

::Where once was love::

It's funny; I wake up each morning and wait for him to come running into my bedroom. I still believe he's going to come; come bring the light of a new tomorrow. I never needed the sun with Mokuba around. But even the mighty sun, is blocked from sight when the rain comes...

It's been ten minutes now; he isn't going to come...

::Love is no more::

I guess it's time for me to get up and face the world. Though the world has been rather dull lately.

Oh well...

::Don't say-Goodbye::

I get up out of my bed and walk over to the bathroom; the intense light reminds me of how little sleep I've actually gotten. I prepare for work as usual; nothing exciting, nothing new. I walked back into my room and opened my closet door. So many choices, yet only one thing appeals to me now.

Black.

Yes, black is an ironic color. It hides your suffering like a veil, but at the same time it lets others read your emotions like a book.

Truly ironic.

::Don't say-I didn't try::

Time to go now; go to the place that is my greatest pride, and my greatest sorrow. I don't know why I bother with it anymore. Maybe it's the money, or the fame. Or maybe it's just the rush power I get from being at a higher position than other people...

Looking at it now, it seems pointless...

I thought that by focusing all my effort on my company and being the best would give meaning to my life. Being an orphan, I really didn't have a purpose in life; nothing to hope for; no one to care for me, except for Mokuba, of course. I don't think anyone really knew I existed. So what was I supposed to do? Drift aimlessly through life without reason?

No, I needed to find a purpose.

But what I really needed was...

...to belong.

I think that's why I became so obsessed with my work, with Duel Monsters. If people knew my name, knew that I existed, no matter what their opinion of me was, it meant that I belonged. So I became engrossed in my work. If I was the best, everyone would have to acknowledge me, but my obsessions got the best of me...

::These tears we cry::

I walk out the door and what do I see?  
  
Rain.

::Are falling rain::

Just another reminder of my pain. It reminds me of him. The man who single-handedly ruined my life.

Gozaburo Kaiba.

::For all the lies you told us::

::The hurt, the blame::

That monster; I can't believe I actually chose to live with him. I was so stupid. Yes, now I know the truth, but it was a little too late, wasn't it? It really doesn't matter now. He's gone, and I can't change the past.

No matter how much I might want to...

::And we will weep::  
::To be so alone::

Great. Time to start my workday. Time to put up with all the nonsense of the adult world. This is stupid; why am I still here? I have more than enough money to live off of, and it's not like I'm even supposed to be here. I'm not even an adult yet! Why do I have to work with all the rest of these fools? I don't belong here.

Then again, I do belong, don't I?  
  
::We are lost::  
::We can never go home::

Not an adult, but not a child either...

Where do I fit in?

The company; that's where I belong. In my own warped mind, that's were I fit in. That's all I know, and that's where I'll remain.

Time to get to work...  
  
::So in the end::  
::I'll be-what I will be::

Sign this, approve that; this is monotonous. How did I ever enjoy this? I don't think I did. The only reason put up with this was to make Mokuba proud.

Okay, so that's not all true.

I did enjoy destroying my step-father's work. I got satisfaction in knowing that I was able to overpower him for once, and take over the company. I guess I did do the world a favor. It's not like we need another military facility.

Nothing's happening today, maybe I'll go home early.

__

"Mr. Kaiba, is it true? About your brother, I mean."

What's this? Reporters?

__

"Was it a case of homicide? Or suicide perhaps?"

How dare they! Suicide? Never! Mokuba would never do such a thing!

__

"I heard the person who murdered your brother was from a rival company; is that true?"

Maybe it is, but like I'd tell you scum anything...

__

"Please Mr. Kaiba, we need a statement!"

Leave me alone...

"Mr. Kaiba! Tell us, what is your reaction to your brother's death?"

  
  
::No loyal friend::  
::Was ever there for me::__

"Mr. Kaiba, is this going to effect your company's performance?"

I don't know. Probably...

__

"Mr. Kaiba, what do you have to say to the killer?"

Take a guess...

__

"What do you plan to do now?"

I haven't thought about it...

__

"Mr. Kaiba, please say something!"

  
  
::We say-Goodbye::  
::We say-You didn't try::

I don't have to take this anymore. I'm leaving.

__

"Mr. Kaiba where are you going?!"  
  
"Mr. Kaiba!"

I have to get out of here. I need to go someplace where I'm not constantly reminded of his death. How heartless can they be? You think I want to answer all those questions? Of course not! I'm human too!

Aren't I?  
  
::These tears you cry::  
::Have come too late::

Maybe not; I've been so heartless all my life, maybe I've forgotten what being human is about....

Stupid Cheerleader was right...

I've been cruel to everyone else; how can I expect them not to act the same?  
  
::Take back the lies::  
::The hurt, the blame::

How could I let myself become like this? If my younger self were to meet me now, he'd probably kill me for ever considering this lifestyle...

But it doesn't matter now, right? I can't change the past...  
  
::And you will weep::  
::When you face the end alone::

__

"Why'd you run from dem? You shoulda knocked some sense into those jerks."

The mutt returns...

"Maybe..."  
  
"Not maybe! Ya shoulda! Dey had no right to treat ya like dat!"

Oh yes they did, and you know it...

__

"It wouldn't have proved anything,"

"So?"

Simple minded; that's just like you...

__

"Wheeler, thanks for the advice, but I think I'd rather be alone right now..."

"All right, but if those reportas come back, give 'em the old one two, ya hear?"

You know, that would be fun, but I think I'll pass...

__

"See ya, Kaiba."

That was an interesting encounter. The mutt, in his own way, helped me...I guess. Though I know that there's nothing he can do. I have to get through this on my own...

I need to leave this place; this place where everything I look at reminds me of my suffering... _  
_  
::You are lost::  
::You can never go home::

But where can I go?  
  
::You are lost::  
::You can never go home::


	4. Memories

  
  
**Things You Have to Know**

::These are song lyrics yet again::

__

"This is what's spoken aloud."

"Theses are kinda like voices in Seto's head"

I don't own Yu-gi-oh or the song My Immortal by Evanescence, yes it's another songfic chapter! 

**__**

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

::I'm so tired of being here::

::Suppressed by all my childish fears::

Mokuba, we need to talk...

I know you probably can't answer, but just listen, okay? This is probably going to sound stupid, but I think it might be better for both of us if you'd leave. I know that sounds like an odd request, but I don't want you to feel like you have to watch over me. Don't worry; I'll be okay, in time. I just need some time to get my mind back together...

::And if you have to leave::

::I wish that you would just leave::

::Because your presence still lingers here::

::And it won't leave me alone::

I know you're probably upset at this. Don't be. Believe me, I would rather you stay; though I know you've got places you want to go, right? You want to see Mom and Dad, don't you? You can't hide that from me, Kiddo. You always used to talk about Mom and Dad...

When I think about it now, I never did tell you all that much, did I?

Sorry. I guess I'm still getting over their deaths too...

::These wounds won't seem to heal::

::This pain is just too real::

::There's just too much that time cannot erase::

Now you can see them for yourself. You don't have to worry; they're the most loving people you could ever imagine, and I'm sure they're waiting for you. So you should go...

I just want to reminisce a little before you go. For old time's sake.

You remember when we were young?

I can remember it like it was yesterday....

::When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears::

When we first came to the orphanage, I remember, you sat on that swing all day long.

You looked so sad...

__

"Seto, I wish Mom and Dad were here. It isn't fair that they left us all alone..."

I know it wasn't fair; it's just what was. I think that was the day I stopped being your brother...

...and became your father.

::When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears::

Of course, I wasn't a very good father, was I? After Yugi defeated me in a duel, I was broken. I didn't know what to do. How was I suppose to protect you if I was that easily defeated? And then, out of stupidity, I abandon you, just so I could figure out some stupid game.

That was all he needed.

As soon as I left, Maximillion Pegasus, stepped right in. He kidnapped you and conspired to take over my company. At first, I didn't care. I actually thought of letting Pegasus have the company; it would be a huge weight off of my shoulders...

Then I saw you're face.

When I was in that dungeon, picking that lock to free you; I saw how scared you were.

__

"Big Brother! You're here! You're here..."

And I realized exactly how much you needed me. And how disappointed you'd be if I just given up the company, the struggle against our stepfather....

I couldn't give up, not then...

...and not now either.

::And I held you hand through all of these years::

I was always there to watch over you, Mokuba. You were everything to me and I wouldn't allow anything to hurt you...

::But you still have all of me::

I don't think I ever told you this, and I know I should have...

Thank you.

::You used to captivate me::

::By your resonating light::

Mokuba, I needed you just as much as you needed me. Without you, I would've given up long ago. It's funny, you've saved me countless times....

Remember when we got back from Duelist Kingdom? The Big Five tricked me, and captured me inside my own game...

I was so naïve...

I can't believe I let them fool me like that; another case of how my obsessions got the better of me.

But you saved me.

You risked you're safety and ventured into the virtual land just to rescue me. If it weren't for you, I'd probably still be chained up onto that rock...

And if that weren't enough, you sacrificed yourself just to save me when we were fighting against the Mythic Dragon. I just had to be so stubborn! Why did I let my rivalry with Yugi take priority over your safety?!

I was crushed after that happened. I thought you were gone for good.

Thankfully it was only a game...

After that day, I vowed never to let anything happen to you ever again, even if it cost me my life...

::But now I'm bound by the life you left behind::

::Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams::

::Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me::

But look where we are now?

::These wounds won't seem to heal::

::This pain is just too real::

::There's just too much that time cannot erase::

I'm here, standing in the rain, talking to you, and I don't even know if you can hear me! It seems like just yesterday that I held your pale form in my arms...

...and yet it seems like I've been standing here for ages.

I shouldn't' be here.

I should be home, with you. Not here...anyplace but here.

I just don't get it.

Why would they take your life? I'm the one they wanted; you had nothing to do with it. You were...just a kid. He had no right to come into our house that night...

...to take you away...

...and end your life.

Right in front of me! He killed you right in front of me! How could he be that cruel?! I've never seen him before!

Why?!

Why did it have to be you?!

Why did it have to be at all?!

I promise you, Mokuba, I will make that man pay. The one who took away your life. The one who made those memories we share together...the only ones that we'll _ever _share together...

::When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears::

::When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears::

::And I held you hand through all of these years::

::But you still have all of me::

You might not have believed it, but you were always strong, no matter what happened. Now it's my turn to be strong. It's going to be a dull world without you, Kiddo. But I'll make sure to cause enough trouble for the both of us, don't worry.

::I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone::

::And though you're still with me::

::I've been alone all along::

Okay Mokuba, I think it's time for you to go. I'll be fine. You know me, I'm not going to just crawl under a rock and give up, I'm going to move on...

Please don't forget what I've said, Mokuba. I just wanted you to know how I felt. I won't break my promise to you, and I won't give up. I love you Mokuba, don't think that will ever change. I will always remember what you did for me...

__

"When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears."

Because...

"When I'd scream you'd fight away all of my fears."

...you're my brother...

"And you held my hand through all of these years."

...and no matter what...

"But you still have..."

...nothing can ever break the bond that we share...

"...all of me."


	5. Seasons

****

Things you need to know!  
  
_This is what's spoken aloud_

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.****

__

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

"Kaiba, what are you doing out in the rain?"

What's this? Yugi?

__

"Nothing..."

"You're soaked; you should really go inside."

Have I been standing here that long? I must've been; it's nearly nightfall.

__

"Would you like me to walk you home?"  
  
"Yugi, I don't need you to walk me home."  
  
"I know, but I just thought you might want some company..."

Company...I guess that would be all right. After all, it's not like I have anything to lose now...

__

"Whatever, come on then."

It's funny. I wouldn't even have considered walking home with Yugi a few weeks ago, but now everything's changed...

Why?  
  
After all that I've done to him, why is he here now, trying to comfort me?  
  
_"It's pretty cold, isn't Kaiba?"_

More than you could imagine, Yugi. I've been cold all my life, but why now can I feel the frigidness of my heart?  
  
_"I guess that means Fall's right around the corner. That could explain all the rain we've been having lately too."_

Perhaps it's because I've just now excepted that my heart existed?  
  
_"You know, Kaiba, I like the Fall... It's not too hot, not too cold. It's just right."_

"You sound like Goldie Locks..."

"I do, don't I?"

I wonder how it is, that he can keep smiling. Even though he'd sad, he smiles anyway....

__

"Why?"

"Why, what?"  
  
"How do you manage to smile all the time?"

In every tough situation I've seen, Yugi and his friends have always remained in high spirits. Even though things looked hopeless. It was infuriating how cheerful they always seemed to be... I think it's because I didn't understand why, that annoyed me.

__

"Well, Kaiba, it's because of my friends. I wouldn't be able to go on without them. Knowing that we're in this together, and that we'll always be there for one another, makes me feel like I can do anything."  
  
"You can't do everything."  
  
"I know, but... Kaiba, you shouldn't give up on hope so easily. If you believe in the ones who you care about and care about you, then you'll understand why it is I can keep smiling..."

But what happens when the only person that cared about you is gone?

__

"And if no one cares about you?"

"Kaiba, despite what you might think, people..."  
  
"Just answer the question, Yugi."

"**I'll** answer your question."  
  
After that everything became a blur. I can't really say exactly what happened in that instant; all I can remember is...

The dark voice...

...followed by a gunshot...

...and Yugi...

...falling to the ground.

Running over to him, I was relieved to find that he was still breathing, in fact...

...he was smiling.

__

"Yugi, are you all right?!"

Of course I already knew the answer to that question. No, he wasn't all right. He was lying, covered in his own blood, with his life slowly leaving him. And yet, like a fool, he smiled on...

__

"I'm fine, it's nothing."

"**_Nothing_**, huh?"

"Heh, well okay, I guess it is **something**, but don't worry about it."

As I watched him laugh painfully, a haunting memory came over my mind.

__

"Seto, I'm sorry that I can't stay with you like we promised. Thank you for always being there for me. I know other people may think you don't have a heart, but I know that's not true. Deep inside, you have a heart as pure as gold. Don't ever lose that, Big Brother. Don't worry; I will always be with you; no one can ever break the bond we share.... Goodbye, Seto...I love you."

Yugi, smiled just like Mokuba...

I never realized this until now, but Mokuba, he too smiled in the face of danger.

Why?  
  
Is it because he believed Yugi would win?  
  
_"No... It's because I believed in **you**, Seto."_

Mokuba?  
  
_"Seto, you were the one I cared about, and I knew with you around, everything would turn out okay."_

But Mokuba, everything's not okay...

__

"Seto when are you going to stop blaming yourself for this? It's not your fault!"  
  
But if I'd taken better care of you...

__

"Seto, you took the best care of me."

So you don't blame me?  
  
_"I never blamed you."_

"What's the matter, Kaiba?!"  
  
I turned around and faced the man in the corner. Looking into his eyes I saw something, and it forced me into a berserker...

In his eyes I saw the cold bloodedness...

...of Mokuba's killer.

__

"Please, don't hurt me!"

Snapping back to reality, I found myself holding that murder's life in my hands. _I_ now had the power to say whether he lived or died. _I _could get my revenge for what he did to my brother. For in my hands I held the tool that would bring everything to a close...

__

"Why not? You sure didn't think twice when you killed my brother!"

I watched the man, as he cowered in fear, knowing that his death was inevitable.

I enjoyed watching him.

I loved the feeling of watching someone else squirm, watching them cowering under my superiority.

No...

This isn't what I want...

This...this is...

...not right.

At that moment, I felt like the person that I despised most...Gozaburo Kaiba. It's ironic, the one person that I didn't want to turn out like, is the one that I've become...

"That's not true."

Mokuba...you know it's true. You knew it from the beginning.

__

"That's not true, you aren't the same as Gozaburo."

And how is that?  
  
_"Seto, deep inside, you have a heart of gold...I told you not to forget that, Big Brother..."_

Sorry, Mokuba, I know...though now, I think I understand what you mean.

I threw aside the gun; I let the feelings of remorse and anger fall with that silver piece of death.

I felt the thick sheets of ice around me melt away, and with it, all the ill feelings I had kept inside...

As it dropped, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders.

It was like the first day of Spring, when the sun comes out and melts the frozen snow, revealing the green earth that had been hidden under the frigid crystals of winter. Of course, it was barren land at first; there weren't many plants, and everything was still damp, but, in time, it would grow, and regain its former splendor.

Finally I can let go of the past. I don't have to worry about the mistakes I've made, because I know that life goes on, and though I may not be proud of the things I've done...I can learn from my mistakes, and become a better person because of them. It's been so long, but finally I'm...

__

"Free."

"I knew you could do it, Big Brother..."


	6. Saying Goodbye

  
  
Final Things You Need To Know!

These are song lyrics

__

This is what is spoken aloud

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

I also do not own the song Journey by Noriko Hidaka! I used the English lyrics, I'll put the Romaji at the end...

** **

A Soliloquy of Missing Tears

The air is so crisp this morning, it's nice; the sky is a wondrous blue, and there isn't a cloud in sight. It's so beautiful outside, you can't help but be in high spirits.

I have a feeling that this day will always be nice...

As for me, I shall go to my place

And yet, I cannot see anything at all

__

"Kaiba! Hey!"

"You guys made it."  
  
"A course we did! We wouldn't miss dis for da world!"

It's still a little strange, being so friendly to them...but I think I'm getting used to it. It's funny, I never noticed how amusing their company can be.

To the flowing of tears surely

No more shall I be afraid

__

"Joey, watch it! You're going to get it dirtier, not clean it!"  
  
"Eh, sorry..."  
  
"It's been a year now, hasn't it, Kaiba?"

"Hm..."

It **has **been a whole year since I've seen him. I've changed a lot since then. I'm not the cold ruthless business tycoon that I once was. I want to say that I'm a normal person, but I really can't, now can I?

The answer that man gave me

Really does not suit my true self

__

"Joey, let me do it..."

"Fine, whatever you say, Kaiba."

Looking down at your grave used to fill me with sadness and regret, but now that isn't the case. I feel proud that I'm your brother and I feel lucky to have been able to have shared so many fond memories with you.

Perhaps I shall discover something

Perhaps there is something that I cannot discover

__

"Now that's some fine grave cleanin'."  
  
"Joey!"  
  
"Sorry, Téa..."

I owe everything to you, Mokuba. If it weren't for you, I would probably still be the cold-hearted person that I was before. You said that you wanted to see me smile again, didn't you? Because of you Mokuba...

...I think I can.

The piece of me

That has hidden in my heart

__

"I think we should each say something, don't you?"  
  
"Great idea, Téa!"  
  
"Thanks, Yugi. Is that all right, Kaiba?"  
  
"Fine."

Only towards where the winds show me

I alone shall go

__

"Hey, Mokuba. It's me, Téa. I hope you're well. I just wanted to say thanks for everything. You were the one who led Yugi and your brother to us in Battle City, and you guys saved me. I'll never forget that, thank you. You were always a cheerful boy, it's funny, I never would've guessed that you were Seto Kaiba's brother. Though I think you two made quite the team..."

If somewhere I will find

My unknown true self

__

"Hello, Mokuba, how are you doing? It's Yugi, and I also wanted to say thanks. You're one brave person, you know that, don't you? Clever, too, you always seemed to be doing something or another, just like your brother. We'll always remember you, Mokuba, and we'll miss you..."

Having run a little too fast

I feel I missed out on something

__

"Hey, squirt, it's Joey. I bet your havin' fun. I can just see ya, lookin' down at us. You're probably laughin'... Ya rememba when we went to rescue your brother in dat virtual world? We had quite da adventure dere. Of course if your brother hadn't gotten trapped there in the..."  
  
"Joey!"  
  
"Alright, alright, jeez Téa, lighten up. Anyway, I think your brother could learn a lot from ya; you never called me a dog..."

Even such a mistake

Is surely an answer

I guess it's my turn, isn't it?

__

"Hey..."  
  
Why is it so hard to find the right words to say when it really matters?  
  
_"You can do it, Kaiba."_

"Right. Mokuba, I wanted to thank you, again. You're the one who always stuck by me. Tea's right, you and I were a great team; I protected, and you protected me. Even though you're gone, I know that you'll always be there for me, and I can smile because of that. I wouldn't trade our bond for anything in the world. Thank you, and don't worry, I'll make sure to keep our promise..."

"Yeah don't worry, squirt, we'll keep an eye on Kaiba."  
  
"Yes, we'll be there for him..."  
  
"...and make sure he smiles again."

Once more only by my pace

I shall become myself, unlike anyone else

"Okay, let's bring out the food!"  
  
"Joey, is that all you can think about!?"  
  
"It's all right, Tea. I think Mokuba would want us to have a little fun before we left."

"Well, if you're sure..."

Perhaps I shall meet someone

Perhaps I shall hurt someone

I feel like a child, sitting here, having a picnic at my brother's grave. Though, I haven't felt like this in a long time...

__

"Hey pass the cookies!"  
  
"Joey, you've already had three of them!"  
  
"But, Yugi, I'm starvin'!"  
  
"You're always starving!"

"Téa, you know I haven't eaten anything today..."  
  
"Oh sure and the three hamburgers that you **had **to have before we came don't count?!"

"Why don't you just wait a little bit, okay, Joey?"

"Fine, Yug..."

Only where the road leads

Shall I try walking

__

"...Can I have one **now**?"

"I can't believe you!"

"Yugi, I'd give him one before he drools on your hand."  
  
"Hey that's not funny, Kaiba!"

"But Joey, you are drooling on my hand!"

I can't remember when I've laughed so hard... Laughing is nice, it's like a disease, not a bad one, but once you start, everyone else seems to join you... I'm starting to sound like them...

__

"Okay, so it was a little funny..."

I will go, not waiting for the blade

To catch it with both hands

__

"So what ever happened to...?"  
  
"The killer?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Life in prison...and I'll make sure he stays there..."

I still feel a pang of guilt whenever I look at Yugi. He did recover from that gunshot; it took time, but he's fine now. And like the person he is, he never blamed anyone. I'm still surprised by that, even now.

Perhaps I shall discover something

Perhaps there is something that I cannot discover

__

"I'm stuffed..."  
  
"Wow, Joey...now that's a first..."  
  
"Lay off..."

You know, this reminds me of years ago, right before we were sent to the orphanage. Didn't we have a picnic on our parent's graves?

It's kind of funny how things turn out...

The piece of me

That has hidden in my heart

__

"Well, I guess it's time to go..."  
  
"Yeah, it's gettin' late, ain't it?"

"We'll come back next year, so don't worry."  
  
_"Are you coming, Kaiba?"_

__

"I'll catch up to you later."  
  
"Okay then, see you."

Only towards where the winds show me

I alone shall go

I should be going now too, Mokuba. We had fun today, didn't we? It looks like we'll all be coming back next year.

Well...

I guess this is goodbye...

...for now, anyway.

If somewhere I will find

My unknown true self

__

"Goodbye, Mokie..."


End file.
